i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
