please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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