i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
