under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
