a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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