I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
