I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
