I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
