Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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