...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
