Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
being pregnant is like rehab
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
