Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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