My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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