So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
