smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
