I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My bed smells like the plague
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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