I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I can't put those talents on a resume
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
