Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
