i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
