Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
