I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
