ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
