I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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