I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
