Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
