why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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