Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
It's just like the Real World with babies
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
