my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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