Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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