i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
