YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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