If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
