I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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