i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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