Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Randomize
