Christians are straight up FREAKS
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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