You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
