Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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