I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
