This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
