Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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