is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
