so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
His nipple licking is glorious
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