I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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