Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
