No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
