I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
