Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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