Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
