You just made me feel so damn special
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
